I've lived a mere 19 years and with no doubt in my mind, I've been in love. Only once though but it was true. It is not until someone truly is in love when they realize how much tv and movies and even books lie about love. Love is not easy. It is not simple. It is the most complicated thing in the world, especially when you fall in love with someone that you didn't want to love in the first place. Actually, more than anything, I want to deny my feelings in the beginning. After the acceptance, I embraced it. But it takes two to dance the waltz of love. Luckily, the guy I fell in love with loved me back, accepting it even more then I did. However, he denied the love, refusing to accept it until the moment he left. Our love was anything but easy and happy. It was hard. It was hurtful. It stole my heart.
It's been 2 years since that first love and I have not loved since. Is it really true that we can love more than one person in our life? I know we can love friends and family but I'm talking about true love. The love you have for someone where you want to spend the rest of your life with them. Am I bound by the love for my first love, forever cursed to wait for them to accept their love for me, unable to love again? Or am I free to form a new love, maybe with someone who truly is my "true love?" I've come close to loving again, although I believe I forced myself to stop the love to save the pain to my heart.
As human beings, why do we fight to have love? Why do you try so hard to have another person love us in return? Can we not function without love? Are we unable to exist without one form of love in our life? I love my family, my friends and the people around me. However, will I not be complete if I have no man to love me or to love in return? I don't believe that although I do wish at times that love was simpler. That it was easy and effortless, like breathing. It can be but that love does not last long. Why can't love be simple and easy like the love between friends and family? Okay. Maybe that love isn't easy but it's easier than any love I've experienced.
With Valentine's Day coming up, love is on my mind so much. I've spent the past 2 years on V-Day, single. Last year was the worst V-Day in my life, seeing as it was the end of a horrible relationship by a using, lying guy. As the days end and the holiday comes up, I fear another horrible holiday. I used to love Valentine's Day. I was sometimes single on those days but I would make the days about my friends, especially the ones who were never in a relationship. As I'm currently seeing a guy right now, I fear to bring up the topic of V-Day. Should we celebrate it or ignore it, seeing as we are not in a relationship? Love again has caused my mind to become confused. Curse you love! You end lives and cause wars! Why must you hack away at my own heart?
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